rae xiang

Return to Sea

GAMBA Agency

ROLE

Design, Animation


TOOLS

Blender, Procreate


DATE

June 2023

Gamba means shrimp in Spanish – and it's a affectionately teasing slang name for the sunburned tourists as well. 🦐


So when GAMBA Agency reached out asking for crustacean-loving collaborators, I couldn't say no.


I saw this project as an opportunity to develop a gritter, textured style. Modeling, rigging and texturing done in Blender. For the still images, details were drawn on in Procreate and post processed in Photoshop.




I used to think as long as I was making art, all was well inside. But as last year went on, I had this unsettling feeling I didn't know who I was anymore (outside of the blue hair and "cute art").


Even worse, I could feel money dominate how I valued creativity.


It's been a clarifying half-year of learning to sit with the dark, of feeling not knowing. Seeing my family close-up in it's complexity, asking what friendship is in grief and helplessness. Asking what it is I value. Melting shame into compassion. not! forcing!


I learned darkness isn't so bad.


At first it was terrifying to not "see" anymore – walks that used to inspire me left me feeling flat. The songs i used to dance to now… sounded grating.


I'm learning it's all part of individuating

I'll never be done knowing myself and it's more fun that way :)


--


Sometimes I mistake spirituality and visual art as solitary pursuits, that "protecting my time" would bring my spark back. When really it was unplanned time out in the world – creating the collage for D's bday card, sitting at sangha with M, dancing fear into joy with K, screaming into the ocean with E and S.


love you all <3


Creativity comes from the world and people around us, and as part of that flow I see I must give forward to complete the cycle.


ebb and flow